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Monday, July 05, 2010

Turn It Up


School will officially kick in on 23rd Aug, which is like in prolly a month's plus time. I'll thereby be a slaver for education once again, oh how sad. But this time round, i'm so determined to do well, and study hard for god's sake. Uni fees, in the place first, aren't cheap to start with. I really pray with fingers crossed and whatnot that everything will turn out good, i'm taking up Econs again (!!!) I don't want to be killed by Econs twice. So...... MUST.STUDY.HARD!!!!

Honestly, sometimes i wished i could be a little cleverer. That i can be in the same school as my bf again. How i wish to rewind time back to my JC days, when i was in the same school as B. We can do almost everything together.. taking bus to school, studying in school, he waiting for my volleyball trainings to end, having our recess & lunch tgt, bumping into each other in school, wearing that factory-like blue uniform... He and I are both heading to different schools now, at a totally different location with different timetables. He's a soon-to-be SMU busy guy with lots of project meetings and deadlines to meet, and i'll probably be busy too with school work and all. But i really hate getting that..... insecurity feeling!!! I always wonder if he will take a liking on other girls, i mean, smu girls are known to be pretty, and obviously, they have the brains. I feel inferior now being compared to him. Like one is up high in the sky and i am down there....... struggling to survive... But i really got to thank him for being so encouraging and supportive. Never been loved and cared by a guy so much before.
I was actually thinking alot just now, had alot of things to share and talk about, but as when i was typing, all these thoughts simply just vanished and what's left is just an empty state of mind. Sigh... He's been telling me that i've been thinking alot, that he's in smu to study, not to look and woo girls but you know you know you know!!! Girls being girls, think alot and have all sorts of funny weird thinking and the possibilities of them happening. The more you think, the more you assumed that it would happen and the more you'll be insecure and be scared. Haha or does that applies to me only? Ughhhhhhhh this is seriously irritating. And why must the camp be a 3D2N camp?!?!?! Sigh as if like its not depressing enough :( Esp for smu, i heard so many stories from my friends how sleazy these camps can be and there are so many physical contact between the 2 genders.... wahhhh, thoughts running haywire again.
Damn it, i should sleep now before i think of more things.



  1. Chill eh you! If you trust yj. then fullstop. Dont be so insecure. He's just studying, not that he's gg smu to choose a girl. -.-

  2. studying in sim-uol?

  3. where are u studying babe?

  4. Stef: U know, sometimes, even the most faithful&good guy can't be trusted.

    Anon 6.29: Yeap baby~

    Anon 10.15pm: SIM-UOL, haha heard its pretty tough~~

  5. Babe, does your boyfriend read your blog?

  6. I know what you mean ! Gotta control your thinking k ! I always think like crazy too , you're th one he loves & I'm sure he won't be stupid enough to do something silly :)

  7. I know what you mean ! Gotta control your thinking k ! I always think like crazy too , you're th one he loves & I'm sure he won't be stupid enough to do something silly :)

  8. Hey! i totally understand how u feel..haha..i'm also in SIM-UOL now.. and my bf is going into SMU next year too :(

  9. Wondering: Hmmm yea he reads it, but i would say its not a faithful reader. hehehehehe :p

    Syl: haha but u know, i like to think alot and imagine alot. SIGH. haha today its his 1st day of camp and he says its boring. MEHHHH~

    :): Hey babe we're totally in the same boat man. hahaha! We'll be future school mates. Say hi to me if u see me ok?? I feel so lonely i dont know anyone in SIM-UOL :< Friends that i know are in RMIT :< sigh~

  10. Wondering: I meant he's not its*

  11. you should get a formspring!

  12. i love ur belt n necklace! Where did u get em from? :P

  13. Anon 1.17: Hey actually i was thinking of that.... but y'know i read other people's formspring and some questions ppl ask are just so.... weird & sensitive!!! Haha i'd rather they ask me through here i approve 99.9% comments anyway hahaha! :p

    Anon 1.07: Hey babe belt is from bangkok! Necklace from some random shop in FEP! Got it like 1 yr ago???? hehe

  14. must be confident! i'm sure yr bf loves you, how can other girls compare to yr 3 or 4 years of being together? word of advice: don't behave insecure or jealous around him, it may drive him nuts! esp if he has to keep reassuring you. that may actually cause him to be attracted to other girls. so chill!

  15. How is getting all stressed out, worried, overprotective, insecure, and depressed about the situation going to make it better?

    The way i see it is you have the choice to let your fears control you, or you can control your fears.
    You can either let your anxiety terrify you, or excite you. Can either go, "Oh no, how will i ever make it on my own?" or "Yes! i have a new opportunity to prove myself!" After all some good may come from this too, it can teach you more respect for what you have, and make the time you get together all the more valuable. Relationships aren't just about enjoying spending all your time together, but also being secure enough to spend time apart. You may even learn that it can increase the sharing of the give and take in your relationship. It can be a great test, because if you can make it through this positively then it can be grounds to support a stronger foundation for your relationship to grow in the future.

    Besides did you ever consider that he may be feeling the same as you?
    Bare in mind he is more like you than not. Even though he may not express his emotions as openly as you, he may be feeling just as insecure, jealous, anxious, and depressed about it as you. Although it doesn't sound like he's being negative and controlling about the situation, but rather it sounds like to me he is trying to be positive and supportive.

    So basically, what i am saying is BE POSITIVE! After all, do you like to be around negative people?
    You have the choice to make the best of the situations dealt, or be negative and reinforce your worse case scenarios.
    When the outcomes are laid before you there is not so much to fear, because you can prepare for either outcome.
    If you are positive and supportive, then you will increase your odds of sucess.
    If you are negative and depressing, then you will increase your odds of failure.

    Each new event is an opportunity to learn grow and change, but how you chose to face adversity is the biggest determinate factor in what the outcome will be.

    You have already been imagining the worst, but can you plan how to achieve the best?

  16. Yea i would almost ask him every week if he would like other pretty girls, and then he had to reassure me everytime! hahah even at one point of time, he said he'll act gay so girls wouldnt care about him... haha! hahahaha yea hopefully everything turns out fine :)

  17. Anon 11.37: WOW really long comment... yea ok i know and i get that! I'll be positive kkkkk??? :) And i think if u're an A level student, you would have probably aced GP!!!! :D