Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Words

My thoughts are everywhere, and I have alot to say. First, I am not a rich spoilt brat.
Which part of me behaves like a rich kid? For your info, like many of you, I too,
stay in a typical HDB flat, and i do have days where my bank account is down to $1.
I dont think its right of you to say I'm a rich spoilt brat because in the first place,
I'm not even rich to start with. I dont know why people associate me with being rich.
Yes, i do shop alot, and i do spent alot, but this does not means that I'm rich.
The things i have today doesn't all come from my parents, i saved the money like hell
or worked to buy the things i want alright. And going to a club does not mean that im a rich kid too.
If you dont know, i usually go on a wednesday night. And in case u're that dumb,
wednesday spells ladies night, which means ladies are entitled to FREE ENTRY. So i am
not spending any single cent when i party, other than paying for the cab fare. Yes i admit i
may be materialistic, i do fancy designer labels. Tell me, who dont? And you, how well
do you even know me? How do u know i buy designer labels stuffs? Are u even my friend?
If so, just be straight with me. Stop commenting anonymously or putting some initials.

These days, i find myself weeping everynight before i sleep. I worry.
I worry about my future, ever since the release of the A level results.
I may not show it, but deep within, im really worried which explains why i cried so much that day.
That day, i was all alone. My parents were overseas, sisters were overseas, bf was in camp.
Who came to comfort me? My friends, my uncles, aunts and none of my own family members.
I wished my parents could understand me more. I know u all are concerned about me
and my studies, but do you need to even pop the same question everyday and asked
which univerisity have accepted me? Do u have to always repeat that I'm stupid to
get such lousy grades? I know im the worst of all in this family. I'm not as good as
erjie in studies, i'm not talented in music too because i quitted learning the piano after
3years unlike both sisters, I'm not as artistic as dajie, neither am i an anthlete because
my skills in volleyball is only so-so. Yes i know you all regreted giving birth to me, and
u always said that. And i know i'm just an accident child.

And if now, you still think that im a rich spoilt brat, let me tell you this.
I may not even have the chance to study in a University. Because to them, I'm just
someone who wont ever, EVER excel in studies, and what for wasting so much money to
study? If i'm really that rich kid u say, i could have scored all Us and still go overseas to
attain a degree. I dont think its right forcing me to accept a course offered by a local U. I
mean, studying a course for 4years that is not of my interest? Hell no. And if im going to
accept a private uni that's offering me the course i want, you're not going to pay for
my education fees? Its university.... we're talking about school fees that is $30K - $40K...
Where am i supposed to go to get this sum of money? Guess i will be the only one in this family not wearing a robe.

I wish i could have someone to talk to. But everyone is busy with their own life.
Relationship between me and my mum is really bad. I cant find anyone in this family that i
can talked to. My bf? He's either always in camp, or busy with his business, talking about
his business, meeting potential clients, business, clients, business, clients and more business.
Yes i know you're working hard to make more money so you can buy everything in the world
for me. But do you realise how long has it been since i last have a heart-to-heart talk with
you? That night i was feeling so terrible i just wanted to confide you, but you chose business
over me. My friends? Hah they're even more busy than ever. I dont wish to admit this
but relationship between me and bestie have also distanced. Perhaps its just for the
time-being because she's always stuck in schoolwork. But everytime when i get to meet her
up, its only for one thing - clubbing. When would you ever ask me out just for a chat in town,
a dinner or just a cam-whoring session? I've asked you out countless of times but you always
say u're busy and stuffs until at a point, I dont even quite bother asking you out. I really hope
its just for the time being because i do know u have projects to rush to.
We're still BFF ok.

I have no idea why i am saying all these personal things here. But if you guys still
wanna continue judging me based on this space, then by all means. And lastly, to those who
have already secured a place in the Uni of your choice, congratulations.
I envy every single one of you.

No comments:

Post a Comment